Saturday, March 28, 2009

Entry Two

Salutations, oh wonderful facebook friends, and welcome to the second installment of 'Lost in Los Angeles', the blogging phenomenon that is taking the cyberworld by storm! Join with me as I encounter gangsters, the LAPD, a nice lady who kicks me out of her tree and much, much more - fellow lovers of Nish, expect the unexpected.

Which would then make it expected.

And would nullify it's unexpectation.

BUT ENOUGH! This week began on Sunday, as most weeks tend to do, having awoken from a crazy night of consuming various vegetable-based dishes at the house of my new sister, Miss Julie Hill, I rose to my inaugural Sunday Morning Angelus Temple service - and, Good Lord, brother Perry Noble absolutely NAILED IT! Indeed, his sermon was so raw and real that if it was a steak, it would have been completely uncooked. THAT, my dear friend, is how real it was. Like uncooked steak. Meaty. Blue. Awesome.

That's right, awesome. The most over-used phrase in America.

In fact, now looking back, this past sunday was a day full of 'firsts' for me. Alongside my first Angelus Temple Sunday Morning Service, it was my first Red Eye chillout. Connected to this, it was also the first time I'd ever been to a Los Angeles Heritage Day, as unbelievable as that sounds, and connected to this, it was also the first time I had ever been kicked out of a tree, let alone the first time I had been kicked out of a heritage tree, let alone the first time I have ever been kicked out of a heritage tree by a really nice lady.  In fact, as I continue to ponder this week, it has indeed been a week of firsts.

On Monday, I had the privilege of meeting Elijah 'White Tundra' Bisbee for the first time in the flesh, after almost four months of cyber conversation. Aside from being a full time male model, Elijah helps out at Dream Studios, and in secret he records his own original songs, which are some of the coolest experimental stuff I've heard in a while. Monday held many surprises for me, including a trip to Santa Monica with the White Tundra, as well as connecting with my long lost Australian brother, Kyle. Now, no-one really knows what Kyle's last name is, at least I dont, but after spending 18+ years together at the same church I found it hilarious that we met each other in the middle of a parking lot in Los Angeles, California, America. HILARIOUS! This night was my first ever experience of something we like to call 'Yoghurtland'. That's right, Yoghurtland. Imagine a land filled with various kinds of yoghurt, from strawberry to caramel to pistachio to peanut to double cream to chocolate to blueberry, and billions of different kinds of fruit and confectionary toppings. Now imagine how happy you'd be if you were there. Now quantify your happiness to a numerical figure.

Now square it.

Now half that.

Now triple it.

Now divide it by 45, square it and then times your final result by zero, add one and multiply this number by infinity.

Yes sir, that's how happy Yoghurtland has made me. I'm now a better person. Sure, Pink Berry might taste better, but I have no money. That was Monday.

Tuesday, oh tuesday. Here my memories of the daytime blur, but Tuesday night... Oh wow, Tuesday night was the bomb! (you're not allowed to say 'the bomb' in public here in America when describing something hip and cool, because otherwise everyone freaks out and runs away.) I hit the town with Mr Monty Coleman, Sir Justin Mayo and the Reverend Dan, who's last name is also unknown by me. What I do know about Dan, however, is that he is the man. Dan the man. We hit up a killer Thai place, purchased various headwear and glasses, as well as the first season of Heroes, hit up Yoghurtland again (try and imagine how happy I was... now halve it, because this second time I was aware of how lactose intolerant I am...) and finished the night with my first (and hopefully last) ever experience of the Nicholas Cage movie - Knowing. If someone ever suggests to you, "Hey, you should go see Knowing, the movie with Nicholas Cage" as a certain cinema employee did to us, I suggest that you cut of all ties with that person, renounce your friendship with them and, if necessary, leave the country and change your name.

Yes, that is how bad the movie was. Can you imagine it? No, you cant even imagine it - that's exactly how bad 'Knowing' was to watch. Though, highlights included seeing Monte literally convulse, cringe and bury his face in his hands as the plot got more absurd and random dudes became aliens. "What, the bad dudes are aliens?!?! NISH! You just ruined the movie's awesome plot twist in your blog!" No, blog reader, the movie's awesome plot twist, and the movie itself, was ruined by the mere act of it being made. But, nevertheless, we had a great time with its absurdity. 

:)

Wednesday, oh wednesday. (Note: I'm definitely going to be late to church. From now on, I shall speed type!) Wednesday included exciting trips to ridiculously a happy/nice tax office where Justin and I were rewarded for no reason with white chocolate and caramel popcorn! LA is a very exciting place. Other highlights of this day included going to see some epic pieces of art at a new friend's art gallery, making even more new friends with Jeremy the DJ at this gallery (who thoroughly enjoyed his complimentary drinks), going out to Indian food (which tasted absolutely nothing like Indian food) with Justin, Joy and Monte only to randomly make friends with a bunch of people from Manchester, England! One of the guys from Manchester was actually England's fastest bowler, who's name I also can't remember. We pretty much joined tables for the entire night, and it was all supremely 'awesome'. 

Thursday was a day that was also awesome. I moved into a new room with a bunch of dudes, one of whom is named Zach, and it was with Zach that my Thursday adventure unfolded. Although it was slightly unsettling to wake up and not see Justin emailing/facebooking/twittering/texting on his Blackberry (a morning sight I had become accustomed to), I adapted quickly enough and Zach and I soon decided that it was quite necessary to travel across the city of LA in search of bargains for young dudes on a budget. From Ross to the 99cent store, in different buses in different hoods, fun abounded and there was much laughter in the air. However, this laughter turned to tears of joy when Zach and I stumbled across a treasure trove of bargains concerning noodles - 6 packets for NINETY-NINE CENTS! WHOAH! 

Just try and imagine how excited I was. Yes, that's exactly how excited I was, as we gathered months worths of supplies and bused it back to the Dream Centre in time to enjoy some of our kill from the hunt before we trekked it over to Angelus Temple for church (walking past a bunch of gangsters getting arrested by the LAPD on the way). Following the service, fun continued to abound as I somehow managed to fit in with a whole bunch of cool people and hit up the Alcove. Eat their chicken wrap, your life will be changed. I also got a chance to hang out with Michael Esparaza, whose last name I've probably spelt wrong, brother of the guy who picked me up with Justin when I first got to LA, and Michael is pretty what I hope to be when I'm older - awesome

Friday, good Friday, consisted of a blur of the first of 1/2 of the day (that tends to happen with my mornings) but at night Joy and I re-acquainted ourselves with some of our Manchester friends, all the while adding a bit of Sarah Shaw to the mix, which is always super-exciting. While Sarah and I waited approximately 10.452 years to get picked up, we got a chance to check out my first ever LA sunset (not that the sun hadn't set the other nights I've been here, this was just the first one I'd watched). We even had a guy play acoustic guitar for us. And there was a dude rapping too. Also, for a little bit, there was Monte. Oh Monte. When we finally did get going, we got lost, because of Miss Kyra Joy Rheman, but soon we were on the right track again, but then we got lost again, thanks to Joy. When we finally did make it back to Joy's house to check out some cool stuff her brother Juan was doing (oh man, Juan has some amazing stories... the guy's done it all!) we had bagels. Many bagels. 


Think of any kind of bagel. Any kind. Got it?


We had it.


After Juan was finished doing his thing, with some extra words from Mama Karin (who's name I've probably spelt incorrectly, sorry mama!), we hit up Urth Cafe, where our Manchester friends told us many jokes and messed with our heads, particularly the heads of Sarah Shaw and my brother Ennio Emmanuel, and many lattes were simultaneously sipped. We talked about every thing you could think of, and then it was time for our Manchester mates to go back to their Snoop Dogg hotel and pack their bags so we all made our way home...

TODAY! Saturday. Aha, what a day. To make this short, seeing as I am WAAAAY late to church, Monte, Sarah and I hit up Adopt-A-Block in one of the less privileged areas of downtown, and man was it amazing. To be serious for a moment, there were alot of hurting people, mothers who had lost their sons and sisters who had lost brothers, but we were able to show them a whole lot of love. As one of my ex-gang member friends, Robbie, told me "In their world of darkness, whenever they see us roll up to their hood it's like a ray of light man" - this coming from a dude who rolled in a South Central gang for 25 years and got shot multiple times. Everytime he hears a firework he still cringes. But God is using him to shine His light.

Heck yeeeah.

Well, I am probably going to be at least an hour late to the service, but I'm sure you'll forgive me :) I also hope that this blog is as fun to read as it has been to write.

I love you all like a fat kid loves Hersheys!

ha, hersheys.


peace in,
nish.




Saturday, March 21, 2009

The First Days


WARNING: CONTENTS MAY BE AWESOME AND/OR INDUCE JOY-RELATED SEIZURES.

Greetings, fellow lovers of Nish, to the inaugural ‘Lost in Los Angeles’ blog entry!

Here you will find constant updates on all things ‘Nish’, as he traverses the ever-surprising world of LA, California; staying up to ridiculous hours of the morning, waking up at ridiculous hours of the morning, gorging ice cream burgers (yes, they eat them here), getting kicked off porches by Christian-hating Satanists, connecting with crazy people and hopefully not getting shot. You may be asking yourself, “What is my beloved Nish doing in America, when he should be studying in Sydney, Australia, where he belongs?!?!” Well, my dear friend, it is my pleasure to inform you that I am here for the year working as an intern at the Los Angeles Dream Centre. Seeing as my actual placement doesn’t start until Tuesday, I can’t tell you what interning here is like.

However, I can tell you what I’ve been doing for the past two days in this hectic city.

After cursing my best friend D’s shambolic incompetence for almost making me miss my boarding time, I, Nish “Mctastic’ Varatharajan, embarked Qantas Flight 11 to begin my 14 hour expedition into the United States of America. With sweat clinging to my back after literally sprinting through customs, I found my seat right up the back of the plane, amidst a group of French-Canadians from Montreal. One of them, a hilarious man named Rene, was settled right next to me, and as I looked across at him for the first time he gently smiled and, after a good five minutes of attempted conversation combined with much blank nodding from Rene, I finally realised that he spoke barely a word of English. This is what made Rene such a hilarious man. I can recall one instance, early on in the flight, where I was translating the polite banter of our ‘air hostess’ as she tried to serve him lunch. After a good five minutes of attempting to explain the concept of ‘free food’, we finally just dumped the tray on his lap in frustration and let him deal with it. Only then that did he exclaim, “Aha, free!” and place the money he had previously been trying to shove onto her food trolley onto my tray. We never figured out why, and he wouldn’t take it back, so I had to give it to UNICEF. You see? Rene was hilarious.

Finally, after 14 hours of playing connect four with the pretty brunette girl in front of me, watching ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’, ‘Ghostown’ and ‘Burn After Reading’ all in a row, almost losing circulation in my legs thanks to my funky new skinny jeans and doubling up during ‘Hot Chocolate Time’, I arrived on US soil, 5 hours back in time. Then, to my dismay, the customs guy told me that I could only have 180 days on my Visa before I had to leave the country, but I, in all my manly authority, politely demanded to talk to his supervisor and preceded to convince the large, intimidating African American man to extend my Visa to 365 days. Yeh, I’m a pretty powerful dude. I worked over the US Department of Homeland Security.

As my friend Justin Mayo has just pointed out to me, you’re all probably getting bored at this point, so I shall explain my first two days in less than 265 words, using the POWER OF ABBREVIATION!

Note: Listed in order of remembrance, not necessarily in order of occurrence.

Justin picks up Nish, his guitar, suitcase and large carry bag in Mini-Cooper not designed to hold anything larger than a small Chihuahua. Nish eats lunch consisting of two tacos, grilled cheese sandwich and chicken burger. For less than $4. At some other point Nish eats another kind of burger; a burger made from two White Chocolate & Macadamia Nut Cookies with Strawberry Cheesecake Ice Cream in the middle (Only in America). Nish drives around Beverly Hills. Nish meets heaps and heaps of people, uses ‘Mental Picture’ technique to remember all their names. Eats ‘Breakfast for Dinner’ at his first Red Eye chillout. Goes to Angelus Temple for crazy, crazy, crazy Thursday night service. Listens to presidential candidate Mike Huckabee preach one of the most real, heartfelt words ever to come off a platform, let alone from a politician’s mouth. Fall asleep watching ‘Hitch’. Watches ‘21’. Watches ‘Swingers’. Falls asleep next to Justin, next to pool. Almost has car towed away whilst asleep next to said pool. Squeezes into back of Smartcar. Burns tongue on hot chocolate. Sees where Marilyn Munroe died, and where Michael Jackson’s ‘Thrilller’ video clip was filmed. Gets caught by Justin dancing to no music. Embarrasses self. Embarrasses self numerous times, with numerous people in numerous places. Accidently sneaks onto a tour hosted by Tommy Barnett. Nish meets other Australians, and is filled with joy upon hearing their accent. Gets a phone number. Goes on ‘Adopt-a-Block’. Hears a dude speaking Spanish really fast. Sees real LAPD cars. Sees real yellow school buses. Sees changed lives. Writes first blog on toilet.


There are heaps of things I’ve forgotten, and I may tell you someday. Though I’ll probably forget first. But for now, I’m off to play dodgeball. Ooh, and please send me more emails, I thoroughly enjoyed them all! Have fun in Australia (or wherever you are reading this from), and don’t waste a day...
Oh wow, I’m excited.

I love you all,
Nish.